How much do mama and daddy weigh?

The True Weight of Parenthood: A Spiritual Perspective

From the title, you might imagine that I am suggesting parents should weigh a certain amount, or that this is about diet, nutrition, and health. However, this is not about any of that but about the true weight of parenthood.

As I have matured as a mother and come to understand God's desire and will for us as parents, I have undergone a sort of life cleanse and embarked on a lifestyle diet, if you will. At this point in my life, I don't drink any alcohol at all. I am deeply considering a more modest dress code (not that I show much), with shorts being no shorter than my knees even on the hottest Mombasa day, and a complete detox and abstinence from secular music.

That may sound like a personal and individual lifestyle change rather than a parental one, but here is how it has been going. There was a time I thought how interesting it would be to share a wine and some conversation with my adult son. There was a time when I exposed my children to all the songs I loved, thinking it would be great to sing along to these together on a road trip. And of course, there were many times I thought I would be the mom who dressed pretty cool, even for a mom, and have other kids asking, "Wow, is that your mom?"

I'm not here saying all songs are bad or that no Christians drink and that's alright, or that wearing a bikini is evil, but there is a weight in what we teach by saying or doing things in front of our kids, and we will be held accountable for it.

What good has drinking ever done for me or you, really, if you looked at it? How many poor decisions have you made under the influence and hangovers have you nursed? How many times have you looked to a drink instead of God on a bad day and even on a great day? How many songs do you now know the lyrics to that shocked you, and how many singers with lifestyles along with demonic influences have left you praying for deliverance and forgiveness?

When my seven-year-old son found me working out one morning and asked why I was dressed "sexy," I realized if he thought that way, his friends might too. The weight of that realization left me feeling a bit "obese."

As a once single mom who comforted myself by saying that children are a blessing, I failed to realize that just because I had a child and that was a blessing, the curse was going ahead of God and having sex with a man who was not my husband.

I have come to understand that sex is a gift to married people, and without it, can we even call it a marriage? The gift of connection but moreover covenant. One that goes beyond the two into making people together and taking full responsibility for the home, the environment, and the needs of that child in every aspect, but most importantly, spiritual.

I will stand before God and be held accountable for buying my child alcohol, for exposing them to Beyoncé, for setting the dress code and the behavior that follows. That is the weight of judgment that I cannot carry, and so I chose to lay a few things down. To quit, reevaluate, and perhaps lengthen a few things.

To a single young man, I would say, you will be held accountable for every seed you let idly fall on any ground, for none other is fertile but that of your wife’s garden. But even still, the woman you choose to mother your children, for that you too will be held accountable. Will you both raise them up in the way they should go?

To a young lady, I say you will be held accountable for any idle seed you allowed to come into that sacred garden, for us going ahead of God and taking what is and would be a blessing of a child into a time and place that is not suitable for them to grow.

The weight of parenting is far greater than bills, clothing, and shelter. We know that it is on us to teach them the word of God, to speak over them and into them, to shape them with the rod and word of correction and righteousness, and ensure that when grown, they will not stray from the training we brought them up in.

It is a weight so heavy it takes two and then a village, and all through His grace is sufficient. As He places the weight of it on your shoulders, He ensures that you will not grow weary nor faint, and that your strength will be renewed as you walk upon His word.

Bible Verse: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6